“No man remains quite what he was when he recognizes himself.”

- Thomas Mann

In my last post, we began to explore the ways in which the two juxtaposing sides of ourselves, animating genius and shadow, must learn to complement each other and work together in order for each of us to be true leaders. Before we can do this, we must learn to appreciate the gifts our shadow sides have for us. In this post, we will continue to explore this concept.

Our shadows often contain within them the very qualities that we judge others for. Our impatience, intolerance, aggression, cowardice, greed, prideful ness, and any other weaknesses that keep us from allowing our animating genius to shine forth reside in our shadow selves. These qualities drive us to do things we are not proud of and keeps us from being true leaders. And they are the very qualities that frustrate us in the people we lead and interact with.

But before we can have any kind of influence on others, we must learn to be present with these qualities in ourselves. We cannot run from them; we must embrace them and learn what they have to teach us. We do this by observing our own behavior, and paying attention to that which feels aligned with who we really are and what leads us to feel separate from ourselves.

“To work in the world lovingly means that we are defining what

we will be for, rather than reacting

to what we are against.”

- Christina Baldwin, Writer and Actor

In my last post, we began to explore the vital role that compassion plays in integrating our shadows with animating genius so that we can become true leaders. I asserted that before we are able to exercise compassion, we must first cultivate awareness. Today, we will continue to explore this concept.

Once aware of behavior and our thoughts that lead us from being true leaders and the impact that behavior and those thoughts are having on us, we can decide what we would like to do instead. Then we can gently shift our focus and our actions to align with our desired state.

This process is gradual and often messy. But we must do it and be patient with ourselves in the process.

You may be asking why this is necessary. If there are qualities in ourselves we do not like, why should we embrace them? Why should we give them any portion of our energy and focus? Should we not turn our backs on them and immediately go in another direction?

“It is very easy in the world to live by the opinion of the world. It is very easy in solitude to be self-centered.

But the finished man is he who in the midst of the crowd keeps with perfect sweetness the independence of solitude.”

- Ralph Waldo Emerson

In my last sequence of posts, we explored the juxtaposition of two very important sides of ourselves, our animating genius – or that part of us which is divinely inspired, and our shadow – or that part of us which we create to embody what we believe we need to do or be to succeed.

We concluded that these two parts of ourselves need to work with each other in concert. I believe animating genius must be put in the driver’s seat, utilizing the shadow as a resource and not the other way around.

In this series of posts, we will look what can happen to leaders when we disturb this balance by allowing the shadow to take the reigns.

Our shadow takes cues from the external environment to determine what behavior will allow it to get some kind of external gratification, whether it be a promotion, prestigious assignment, or a larger span of control. It is not uncommon to get ideas about what it means to be a leader by watching others who have gone before us. It is also not uncommon for people to emulate leaders they have reported to in the past, or those who hold positions which they aspire to hold themselves.

“What we must decide is perhaps how we are valuable,

rather than how valuable we are.”

- F. Scott Fitzgerald

In my last post, we began to explore how we consciously or unconsciously act in ways that keep us from leading from our true source of power. We have differentiated animating genius – or that which is divinely inspired, from our shadow – or that side of us that leads us to take action we perceive is necessary to ensure success.

In this post, we will look at the ways in which our shadows can sabotage our leadership.

One of the areas that is greatly impacted by the self promoting and self protecting mechanisms of the shadow is our ability to exert influence. The shadow, seeking validation from others, might be inclined to go to great lengths to win the respect, approval or acceptance of others.

Rather than gaining respect from people as a result of who they are, as animating genius would have them do, they jump to the conclusion that who they are is not enough, and immediately set out to scheme what they can do to win people over.

Of course, people eventually see through this. It dilutes the power of a leader, because it is not truly power at all – the good, sustaining stuff that comes from animating genius.

“The ancestor of every idea is a thought.”

Ralph Waldo Emerson

The call to leadership takes different forms for different people. For some it will mean being at the helm of a large organization or community; for others it might be leading a small team. We often think of formal roles in management or supervision when we hear the word “leadership.”

But there are countless others out there who are leaders in their own right that do not bear a title such as supervisor, manager, director, or vice president. There are teachers. There are parents. There are coaches. There are artists, writers, musicians, entrepreneurs, visionaries, community leaders, and people within large and small organizations that are centers of influence.

The one thing each of these people have in common is the desire to bring something into the world for, with, and through others. Many of us spend a good part of our lives trying to define what this “something” is. The roads we take to find it contain a number of twists and turns and the signs are not always clear.

But something within us spurs us on through all the trials and tribulations, through the fog and the clouds, to keep at it. There are clues everywhere and though the search often takes us outside of ourselves, the answers reside deep within. They are a part of the divine inspiration contained within our animating genius.

In my next series of posts we will begin to explore how these answers come to light for us and what we can do to make the most of this process.

Unleash the Extraordinary!

Diane Bolden

I believe the good news is we do not have to know precisely what it is we have come into the world to create. And we certainly do not need to have all the answers around how these creations will come about.

We simply need to pay attention and identify the kind of things that repeatedly catch our attention.

What is it that you are stirred to do right now? Who are the people that you feel drawn to? What kind of subjects interest you?

What books call out to you in the book store? What movies do you tend to enjoy? What are the themes around these things?

When you envision yourself as successful, what does that mean to you? Who are you surrounded by? How are you feeling? And what are the contributions you have made to others?

Unleash the Extraordinary!

Diane Bolden

“Your vision will become clear only when you look into your heart.

Who looks outside dreams, who looks inside, awakens!”

~ Carl Jung

In Native American cultures, young adults are sent on vision quests. These rituals involve sending the youth on a journey, packed with provisions that allow basic needs to be met. Instructions are simply to wander around and find a place that calls to them. Upon doing so, further direction is simply to sit and reflect. The belief behind this is that we do not necessarily need to actively find our vision. When we quiet ourselves and pay attention, our visions find us.

“The future enters into us, in order to transform itself in us, long before it happens.”

~ Rainer Maria Wilke

It has been said that there is nothing more powerful than an idea whose time has come. But these ideas enter into us long before they are ready to be brought into the world. They prepare us, transform us, and lead us through a myriad of experiences that allow us to develop what we need in order to manifest them.

These experiences are not always pleasant. We suffer disappointments, setbacks, frustrations. During times like these it is easy to feel as though life would be just fine as soon as these turbulences subside. But what if these little disturbances are the very things we need in order to breathe life into these visions that lie within us?

How many of the worlds great healers once experienced some kind of malady that they needed to overcome on their own before they had what it took to help others through the same challenge? How many people transcended their suffering by finding meaning in it and then when on to help others do the same?

Unleash the Extraordinary!

Diane Bolden

© blog posts copyright 2007 Diane Bolden. All rights reserved.

“Sometimes what’s in the way is the way.”

- Eckharte Tolle

If your journey as a leader will require you to exercise courage, you may find yourself in several situations that scare the hell out of you. If it requires you to show compassion, you may find yourself in situations where you must learn to transform your anger into something more constructive. You will continue to draw to yourself the experiences you need to develop what is required to bring your vision into the world. The blessing and the curse in all of this is that those experiences will continue to present themselves until you finally learn the things you need to learn.

“It is our choices that show what we truly are,

far more than our abilities.”

~ J.K. Rowling in Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets

I believe there are three major prerequisites to leadership: courage, honesty, and service.

We must take action in spite of our fear, be honest about our role in each and every situation, and find a way to use our unique talents and gifts to serve someone other than, or in addition to ourselves.

We must learn to look beyond those things that appear to inconvenience and trouble us to realize that we have drawn them to us to teach us that which we most need to learn.

“It is essential to distinguish between events that are really beyond

your control and events you caused yourself.”

~ Barbara Sher

There is an interesting duality to leadership.

On one hand, we need to be willing to acknowledge that there is something greater than ourselves to which we are connected, that breathes life into us and illuminates our path. It is important to learn to trust this guidance and be willing to receive its inspiration.

On the other hand, we must also take responsibility for own experiences.

“You must be the change you wish to see in the world.”

~ M. Gandhi

When we defer responsibility for our own actions to others, we conveniently excuse ourselves of any need to change. After all, it wasn’t our fault. This places us in a victimization mode that is seductively destructive.

We can rationalize all kinds of behavior this way and never feel the need to hold ourselves accountable. And because we never feel the need to change, we will remain stagnant.

This obviously has implications for each one of us as individuals. But consider also the impact it has on those we lead, who look up to us as examples and who emulate the behavior of the “one in charge.”

“We can do more good by being good, than in any other way.”

- Rowland Hill

Driving into work this morning, I went to make a right turn and I couldn’t help but notice the people in each of the cars lined up to turn left.

One woman had a forlorn expression, and her head drooped over her steering wheel. The woman in the car behind her revealed a smile and an upward glance that seemed full of joy and anticipation. The face of the man in the car behind her was twisted up and his shoulders appeared to be close to his ears. His eyes were locked onto his blackberry, which he held in his free hand.

I smiled as I realized that I could relate to each of these people. I could have been any of them at any given time. And then the thought occurred to me that I could be any one of them today.

Which would I choose?

“Courage isn’t the absence of fear. It’s seeing the possibility

of your demise and doing your work anyway.”

~ Ronit Herzfeld in Fast Company

Anytime you make a decision to go out of your comfort zone, to do something that is new or unusual for you, you will most likely experience a tinge of fear, hesitation, or anxiety. This fear may lead you to question your ability, your likelihood of succeeding, and the possibility of your demise – whatever that may mean for you. It is essential to realize that this fear is a part of your journey as a leader.

“Doubt whom you will, but never yourself.”

~ Christian Nestell Bovee

Having faced our fear and moved forward in spite of it, the experience may be positive or negative. Regardless of the outcome, we must acknowledge the progress we have made. If our experience is less than desirable, we can evaluate it and learn from it. Having had the experience, we are wiser for it – far more than we would be if we simply continued to contemplate taking that leap or safely learn from the experience of others instead. And if we are successful, we can build on this experience and use it as a platform for further growth.

There will always be an abundance of people who will tell you why things cannot be done, what there is to fear, and why it is just not worth the risk. Let them speak, but do not be swayed by their doubt. It is based on their own experience of the world, not yours.

“Blessed are the flexible, for they shall not be bent out of shape.”

~ Dr. Michael McGriffy

When was the last time someone caught you off guard with a piece of feedback or a message that felt like an attack? How did you respond?

If it took you by surprise, chances are for a moment you may have lost your balance, moving either away from the bearer of the message, or toward him or her (literally or figuratively). If you leaned away, in an effort to avoid conflict or to crawl inside your comfort zone, you may have withheld your point of view or any response for that matter. If you leaned forward, you may have thrust your point of view upon the other in a way that was more like a counter attack than a response. Or perhaps you accommodated and sacrificed your own needs in order to maintain harmony. Either way, you fell away from your center – your true place of power.

“A rock pile ceases to be a rock pile the moment a single man

contemplates it, bearing within him the image of a cathedral.”

~ Antoine de Saint-Exupery

Have you ever walked by a building under construction and been curious about what was being built? Perhaps there were people working diligently, each focusing on their own specific task. Maybe there were steel girders, half constructed walls, and unidentifiable objects at some stage of completion.

At first glance, it may appear chaotic and messy. But amidst the sawdust and cement blocks there is a structure and an order that pulls it all together. Though we may not know exactly what is being built, over time the construction begins to take shape and we start to recognize a room here, and another there. And then we may begin to surmise the purpose and function of each room.

As the walls are plastered and the paint is applied, the appearance becomes neater. And suddenly, it is completed in all its glory – a stunning compilation of raw materials, sweat, and focused action.

“The key thing to remember is not that we need to be fast but that
we are running a race that has no finish line. So the fuel that
drives usneeds to be made of something substantial –
something for the heart that the head can also follow.”

~ Vincent Kralyevich, President, Videoschoolhouse

There seem to be two very distinct forms of motivation that propel people to do the things that they do. One of them is sort of a pull, and the other is more of a push.

I believe that those things that are most aligned with our own unique blueprint – that which we were put on this earth to achieve – are endeavors that we tend to be passionate about and often inexplicably drawn to. When we work toward a vision to create something for the greater good and to utilize our God given talents to bring it into the world, we experience immense satisfaction, gratification, and joy. And, we tend to attract others who are motivated to partner with us in some way.

When was the last time you stretched yourself? I mean literally, physically stretched yourself?

It wasn’t that long ago that I had trouble touching my toes. I started doing yoga, and in one of the classes I attended we were asked to bend our bodies in a somewhat unusual way. The instructor effortlessly folded herself in half while I leaned slightly forward and came to an abrupt halt. It wasn’t really pain that I experienced as much as plain old discomfort. I wanted this part of the class to be over.

“Chaos often breeds life, when order breeds habit.”

~ Henry B. Adams

Like many, I was brought up to think that things happened in a linear way - first this, then that, one building block upon another in a specific order, cause and effect. I have since realized that when one has a larger vision and experiences this vision as though it has already happened, a chain of events is triggered that results in what may appear to be a disjointed series of events that is in reality very connected.

Can you recall a time when you were in your zone?

Things seemed to come together seamlessly – you knew exactly what needed to be said and done in any given moment, and found yourself able to perform smoothly and skillfully. Perhaps in this zone you experienced a flow where successes seemed to follow each other and even pave the way for future experiences with similar outcomes. The right people lined up to help you. Resources became available –even where obtaining them previously seemed unrealistic. And the results you were able to achieve surpassed everyone’s greatest expectations, including your own.

If you have had this kind of experience, you may find yourself wondering how to duplicate it regularly. If you haven’t, you may question whether such a “zone” is even possible.

“Insist on yourself. Never imitate. Every great man is unique.”

~ Ralph Waldo Emerson

I came across an article in the Harvard Business Review reporting results of a study they did that confirmed something over thousands of studies that came before it had also suggested: research has failed to produce the profile of an ideal leader. This means that there is no seven step process. It also suggests that while one person’s path of leadership was ideal for him or her, it does not logically follow that the same path would be good for another.

The debate rages on over whether leaders are born or made. I believe the answer to that question is yes. They are both. I think we are all brought into this world with the makings of something extraordinary in us. What we choose to do to develop and apply that potential is up to each of us.

“As a man’s real power grows and his knowledge widens,

ever the way he can follow grows narrower: until at last he

chooses nothing, but does only and wholly what he must do.”

~ Ursula le Guin

The call to lead is often ushered in by a period of discomfort, where one slowly begins to realize the outer world does not match the inner one. We may begin to feel a sort of incongruence which ushers in a time of increased awareness about the course of events and what it is all for. A greater purpose looms in the background, but the way things are set up doesn’t quite allow that vision to live. And so it is time for a change.

Some call this an awakening. Others call it a crisis. It is a doorway to greater meaning and contribution, and the beginning of a transformation that happens from the inside out.

“Words are chameleons which reflect the color of their environment.”

~ Learned Hand

Early in my career, I taught many classes and workshops designed to give people a step by step process for having difficult conversations, whether that be to provide feedback, resolve a conflict, or simply raise a point. It was not uncommon to have people in my classes (myself included) who despite already knowing the steps I was teaching, still had difficulty applying them.

Over the years, I have realized that to make any kind of lasting change, we need to go deeper than simply knowing the sequence of behaviors necessary to achieve success. First of all, the scripts I used to advocate sounded canned and flat when they were words that my participants wouldn’t normally say in the course of their everyday conversations. Those words were also very easily forgotten, especially since they did not really belong to the person speaking them.

“Whatever you do in this life, take time to sit quietly and let
the world tell you what it needs from you. Take a moment
to honestly understand what your gifts are – you all have them.
The way you choose to live your life brings meaning to your life.

~ Ann Reed

It is amazing to me the number of people in this world who stay in jobs that they are miserable doing. They often rationalize that they must make the best of it, but in refusing to consider the options right before them, they may not even realize what the “best” is.

“Do not attempt to do a thing unless
you are sure of yourself; but do not relinquish it
simply because someone else is not sure of you.”

~ Steward E. White

Why is it that most people tend to put far greater weight on the negative feedback they receive than they do the positive? Others may compliment us throughout the day or week and their words often never really penetrate. They are easily dismissed or downplayed. But when there is criticism, it’s as though our very pores open up and little hands come out of them eagerly gripping the words as they fall off another’s tongue.

All our dreams can come true, if we have the courage to pursue them.

~ Walt Disney

Last week, I had the enchanting experience of going to Disneyland with my kids for their fall break. It was like stepping into a different world, one where the stresses and anxieties of the previous week simply melted away and the child in me emerged. I was swept away by every intricate detail that was so carefully attended to by the myriad of people that make Disneyland what it is – from the towering castles and belly dropping rides to the placement of each flowering plant and the energy and appearance of every cast member.

Have you ever found yourself wondering about how you could make a bigger impact through your work? Perhaps reaching more people, creating something that has greater significance, or simply bringing more of who you really are to what you do?

I have reached a point in my career where that question has become increasingly important. After working with executives over the last sixteen years, both individually and collectively, I feel compelled to pass along what I and others have learned about overcoming their own self imposed obstacles and achieving higher levels of performance and satisfaction. And I want to do it in a way that reaches more people than what I have been able to do before.

In my work with executives and other rising leaders over the years, I have noticed that regardless of background, career, organization, position, cultural origin or gender, the challenges that people often struggle most with are self imposed. We may not realize this at first, but upon deeper exploration we can begin to see how the roots of people’s greatest pitfalls are firmly planted in the fertile soil of their own minds.

Challenges will present themselves regardless of what we do, but the way we think about and frame those challenges will largely determine our level of effectiveness in dealing with them. Often people are largely unaware of how they are contributing to their own ineffectiveness.

In my last post, I introduced the idea that we often stumble into pitfalls that are created or exacerbated by our own behavior and thought. In many ways, you could say that we unintentionally set up traps that keep us from doing our best work. The problem with these traps is that they are hidden and easily missed. Chances are you have been falling into one or more of them for a very long time without even realizing it. We all do. And once we make progress with them, they tend to find ways to elevate themselves to new levels – we are always learning and growing. So the first step is to begin to cultivate awareness. You cannot fix what you do not realize needs to be changed.

Who are the leaders you admire most? As you think back to people who made the biggest impact on you over the years, who comes to your mind? Perhaps it is someone you reported to, or the head of an organization you are familiar with. Or maybe it is a historical figure that you hold as a role model or a present day leader you’ve never actually met before. It could even be a coach or a mentor from sometime in your life, possibly even a parent or teacher.

What are the qualities in those people that really stand out for you? What differentiates them as exemplary in your mind? Chances are it wasn’t necessarily what they’ve done over the years as much as who they are and what they stand for. And you are likely drawn to those people because they possess qualities that are also in you at some level. The leaders you admire have probably allowed these qualities to express themselves in the world in some way that enabled them to make a difference.

In my last post, I asserted that the leaders we admire most have qualities in them that we possess ourselves at some level. Though these qualities may be latent, they are just as real and waiting for us to give them expression in the world.

The dynamic at play that suggests that we admire those who are most like us also works in reverse. If you pay attention to people who really annoy and frustrate you, you may realize that something in them is also sparking its counterpart in you. I have had many clients who become quite annoyed at their colleagues, direct reports, bosses, customers, friends, or family members because these people do not seem to be listening to them. When we feel we are not being heard by others, most of us have the tendency to talk more. We end up displaying the very behavior that is frustrating us in other people. If we are not careful, this can become a vicious cycle – one in which we can conveniently excuse ourselves from the need for change while we wait for others to “do it first.”

“It is always amazing how many of the things we do
will never be missed. And nothing is less productive than
 to make more efficient what should not be done at all.”

~ Peter F. Drucker

One day I had the opportunity to listen to Marshall Goldsmith, one of America’s finest executive coaches speak. Though the man has a number of incredibly insightful things to say on any given moment, one thing he said that day made an impact on me that I still feel years later. The audience was eager to benefit from his wisdom. He took the stage and paused a moment before speaking. Then he told us to hold onto our seats while he told us something we probably didn’t want to hear.

When you hear the word leader, what do you think of?

My definition of a leader is quite simple: someone who sees and brings out the best in others and focuses each person’s unique talent, energy, style and passion to facilitate the creation of something extraordinary. Leaders are everywhere, and many of them are not in positions of authority.

Leaders have a following of their own, and the most effective of them garner this following more as a product of who they are than what they do. In the presence of a great leader, we ourselves feel great. And when we truly believe in ourselves, there is nothing we cannot do.

Leaders do not need to be at the forefront to serve in this way. In fact, some of the most effective leaders are those who are more concerned about elevating the status of others than raising their own. Lao Tzu, one of the greatest mystics of all time said “When the best leader's work is done the people say, "We did it ourselves."

One of my first posts, “The Who of a Leader,” was written to affirm that great leaders stand out more for who they are than what they do. Central to this idea is the notion of authenticity, or behaving in ways that are true to your own unique style, talents, and energy.

I received a comment on this post from a man named Jeffrey. He said, “I really enjoyed this post… The worst thing I think a leader can do is not be genuine. When leaders imitate or fake sincerity they are not being genuine and few things will bring quicker ruin than this. Respect from others is lost and others will be closed to you.”

Jeffrey, I wholeheartedly agree. One of the most powerful things leaders can do is connect with people. This is critical as one of the most significant functions of a leader is to accomplish things through others. This cannot take place if there is no bond.

What is that compels people to want to be leaders?

Many people are attracted to leadership positions because of the level of visibility and prestige they generate. Others become leaders because these positions often yield higher salaries. And some just like to be in charge. Usually these are not the sole motivations for leaders, though there are some exceptions. The most effective of leaders have other more significant motivating factors – the desire to serve and make a greater impact for example. And the best of these leaders are able to keep their egos from dominating their leadership.

In my last post, I introduced the notion that our egos left unchecked can propel us to act in ways that are not congruent with who we really are and ultimately weaken the impact and contribution we can make as leaders. In this post, we will explore one of the ego needs that is common to many leaders: the need for power.

Some people have a higher need for power than others do. People who tend to be driven toward action with a strong task orientation tend to identify more with this need than do others. They are prone to want to get things done (right now, or sooner) and feel they need a little extra kick to do so. Often, they rely on their authority or position to make mandates or demands.

In previous posts, I introduced the notion that our egos left unchecked can propel us to act in ways that are not congruent with who we really are and ultimately weaken the impact and contribution we can make as leaders. The last post explored the need for power, and today we will explore another of the ego needs that is common to many leaders: the need for control.

The need for control is very similar to the need for power, as it there is an element in there of wanting people to do what you say. However, control goes much deeper than this. It is about wanting to orchestrate entire chains of events and make things work out the way you think they should more often than not. People who fall prey to this ego need disdain chaos and often take their love of order to an extreme by trying to order things around them in a way that can generate a predictable result.

In previous posts, I introduced the notion that our egos left unchecked can propel us to act in ways that are not congruent with who we really are and ultimately weaken the impact and contribution we can make as leaders. The last post explored the need for control, and today we will explore another of the ego needs that is common to many leaders: the need for approval.

The need for approval is closely linked to a need to be liked, or even loved. When we seek this validation from others, we often engage in behavior that takes us away from who we really are in our efforts to become what we believe others want us to be. The need for approval is something that has been with many of us since childhood. From a very young age, many of us are brought up to do things in order to please others, and the rewards we get (inclusion, accolades, affection, etc.) reinforce the idea that we can actually act in ways that allow us to be more or less liked based on what we do rather than who we are.

In previous posts, I introduced the notion that our egos left unchecked can propel us to act in ways that are not congruent with who we really are and ultimately weaken the impact and contribution we can make as leaders. The last post explored the need for approval, and today we will explore another of the ego needs that is common to many leaders: the need for prestige.

The need for prestige is often another form of approval, only in mass quantities. Like the need for approval, it is somewhat rooted in a feeling of inadequacy that leads people to prove to themselves and others that they really are “someone”. It is easy to get lured into and swept away by the star appeal that people in high places generate. Many do not start out seeking this kind of reinforcement. Despite initially being taken aback by it, they can become intoxicated with it over time.

Every time we learn something new, we strive to get to that point where we are able to do it naturally – without having to think too much about what we are doing. And when we finally hit that stage it is nice to settle into a groove. These grooves can be very productive when we are applying new skills and ways of doing things to challenging endeavors. But when these grooves keep us from moving forward and stretching ourselves they can become counterproductive.

If we allow ourselves to stay in our comfort zones too long, over time we will resist anything that could represent a change in equilibrium. The problem with staying in equilibrium is that everything around us is in a constant flux of change. We need to continually reevaluate whether our ways of doing things are aligned with the results we want to produce.

I often conduct 360 feedback interviews for my coaching clients, which entails interviewing an assortment of people including their bosses, employees, customers, and peers to find out what the client’s perceived strengths and areas of opportunity are. It almost never fails that the areas that get in the way of people’s effectiveness and continued success are in some way strengths overdone.

The best listeners often get so wrapped up in passively listening to others that they forget to talk or to bring their views to the forefront. Those who have the admirable quality of being direct and letting others know where they stand can fall prey to delivering messages with a little too much force and not enough tact. Optimism can become naiveté, and realism can become pessimism. Thinking big can lead to overlooking the details, and those who are known for their precision are often criticized for missing the bigger picture.

We make sense out of the world by telling ourselves stories about what is going on. These stories are based on what we have learned over the years through our various experiences. They are colored by our perceptions, knowledge, values, fears, and biases. In the absence of data, our brains tend to fill in the gaps based on what has happened to us before. And when we come to a conclusion about something, we tend to take in information that confirms what we believe and screen everything else out.

We are going to continue to create these stories no matter what. It is a part of being human. The trouble comes when we take our stories too seriously and are unwilling to entertain that perhaps there are pieces of the puzzle we do not know about. When someone does something, or shows up in a way that triggers old memories or associations, our stories begin to build. We then act as though they are true and often elicit the very behavior we do not want to see (which becomes a self fulfilling prophecy.)

This blog post features an excerpt of a special report called “Ten Traps Leaders Unwittingly Set for Themselves ~ and How to Avoid Them” (valued at $47) that I am giving away to anyone who is willing to take the time to complete a brief survey to help me determine people’s most significant leadership challenges. To get your free report, go to http://www.surveymonkey.com/s.aspx?sm=saAAJEMZHUw6ptu39axnsw_3d_3d . In appreciation of your participation, I’ll also send you a free audio briefing on The Seven Secrets of Extraordinary Leaders ($47 value). As a bonus, you’ll also receive and a one year subscription to Synchronistically Speaking ($197 value) which features an executive briefing on a different leadership challenge each month.

This blog post features another excerpt of a special report called “Ten Traps Leaders Unwittingly Set for Themselves ~ and How to Avoid Them” (valued at $47) that I am giving away to anyone who is willing to take the time to complete a brief survey to help me determine people’s most significant leadership challenges. To get your free report, go to http://www.surveymonkey.com/s.aspx?sm=saAAJEMZHUw6ptu39axnsw_3d_3d

In appreciation of your participation, I’ll also send you a free audio briefing on The Seven Secrets of Extraordinary Leaders ($47 value). As a bonus, you’ll also receive and a one year subscription to Synchronistically Speaking ($197 value) which features an executive briefing on a different leadership challenge each month.

Early in my career, I would get requests from leaders to come and help them “fix” their organizations. “My people need to learn to work better together,” they would tell me. And I would go about interviewing these people to find out what was going on. I asked them questions about what was working and what was not, what they thought needed to be changed, and what other insights they had.

This blog post features yet another excerpt of a special report called “Ten Traps Leaders Unwittingly Set for Themselves ~ and How to Avoid Them” (valued at $47) that I am giving away to anyone who is willing to take the time to complete a brief survey to help me determine people’s most significant leadership challenges. To get your free report, go to http://www.surveymonkey.com/s.aspx?sm=saAAJEMZHUw6ptu39axnsw_3d_3d

In appreciation of your participation, I’ll also send you a free audio briefing on The Seven Secrets of Extraordinary Leaders ($47 value). As a bonus, you’ll also receive and a one year subscription to Synchronistically Speaking ($197 value) which features an executive briefing on a different leadership challenge each month.

Like attracts like. This is one of the basic laws of physics, and it has become much more commonly referred to in the last few years. Other ways of saying this are you get what you focus on, or whatever you focus on will expand.

When we become aware of a condition that we wish to improve, whether that be our state of mind, a person’s behavior, or a state of affairs, we must be very careful that we do not overly identify with the problem versus the solution. It is one thing to be dissatisfied with a current state and quite another to immerse yourself in it.

This blog post features an excerpt of a special report called “Ten Traps Leaders Unwittingly Set for Themselves ~ and How to Avoid Them” (valued at $47) that I am giving away to anyone who is willing to take the time to complete a brief survey to help me determine people’s most significant leadership challenges. To get your free report, go to http://www.surveymonkey.com/s.aspx?sm=saAAJEMZHUw6ptu39axnsw_3d_3d

In appreciation of your participation, I’ll also send you a free audio briefing on The Seven Secrets of Extraordinary Leaders ($47 value). As a bonus, you’ll also receive and a one year subscription to Synchronistically Speaking ($197 value) which features an executive briefing on a different leadership challenge each month.

Working too hard is one of the toughest pitfalls to overcome for the simple fact that so many people see it as an attribute. Many of us are brought up to believe that the harder we work, the more we will accomplish and that the busier we are, the more important we must be. We are conditioned to see inactivity as laziness and the need for rest and relaxation as a sign of weakness. But a frenetic pace can suck the very life out of you. And without life, there is no true leadership.

Are you one of the many people who HATE performance planning?

Many organizations have processes and templates for setting goals and targets for the year. Any many people go through the motions each time, scribbling something in the lines, checking the boxes and filing forms into a drawer where they remain until the end of the year when it is time for appraisals. My experience is that many people do not particularly enjoy the performance management process. In addition to giving people feedback on less than ideal performance, filling out paperwork on targets and goals tends to be a most universally dreaded task.

But what if it were more than filling out forms and checking boxes? What if there were a way to transcend the paperwork and use the time to work with people to envision targets and developmental goals that made their work, and their lives while doing this work, more meaningful and satisfying?